Comments:

2004-04-25 21:35:34
We're cool, right? Well, many things bothered me in this entry. But fuck me because you write for you, not me. But I do want to say that maybe it's just your own perception of you that throws people off? Like, I can't say I've ever seen your ass. I probably wouldn't call you fat either. But I am not you. I too compare my boday each and every day. I hate it and I can't lose it fast enough. So I feel you there, but maybe the attitude about it. I don't know...I don't want you doing bad things Jen. But maybe some good? Am I making any kind of non-insulting sense? -------------------------------

2004-04-25 21:52:03
I completely understand how you feel. In fact I live how you feel. I, being of the "big girl" section, feel so ashamed of my body on a day to day basis that it can be overwhelming. And just when you start to have a glimmer of hope that you are not "the hut" some assfuck says something or does something (or doesn't do something in your case) that just propels you further down. I also don't walk around with a "I hate myself" sign on my back but with a society that truly does "hate" you if you are even a few extra pounds overweight and treats you like a second-class citizen it is hard not to begin to believe what is being blasted at you from every direction. Fuck. I, too, wish I was one of those "Fat? So." chicks. But I don't think they truly exist. Phew, do you think I've got issues?! I hope assfuck realizes the mistake he made and calls you grovelling on his knees so you can tell him to go to hell. Sweet. -------------------------------

2004-04-25 21:57:55
Ugh. They *are* out there, and I hate to admit it but I hate them. I work on a college campus, which is private and somewhat exclusive, and sometimes I think if I see one more highlighted, fake 'n' bake, Prada-wearing, Gucci-toting, BMW-driving Daddy's Little Princess, I'm going to puke. Here's hoping that the guy had a car wreck or some other damn good excuse. -------------------------------

2004-04-25 22:33:49
Have considered starting a catharsis club? Maybe a monthly event where you and select others meet up and do shit to vent and act out but noone's allowed to talk about how they feel. I don't know how productive such a venture would be, but it's the small steps that lead to world dominance, and maybe you'd figure some things out along the way. -------------------------------

2004-04-25 22:39:43
He's an asshat. Unless he was bleeding from all orifices and had to have that attended to. But by now the bleeding would have been stopped, and if he weren't an asshat, he would have called and apologized all over the place for the unfortunate timing of his near exsanguination. There are men who really don't care about the size of a woman's ass. I married one. Of course, I never understand what he finds appealing about me, but I s'pose that's for me to work out with my therapist, eh? C -------------------------------

2004-04-25 22:57:22
I am 100% with you on the fat thing, and the crappy self-image that goes with it. A whole lot of well-meaning "oh, you're not that fat" and "you're still a good looking guy" and "people love you anyway" doesn't count for two shits when you spend 6 hours a week working out and still hate to look in the mirror. -------------------------------

2004-04-25 23:01:45
I agree, it sucks, I feel that way too. Fortunatly, my boyfriend is stuck with my new fat ass, so I don't have to deal with the hell that dating would be. A lot of the stuff you said really sounds familiar to me, and fuck anyone who thinks that you shouldn't write those things. Don't blame yourself for thinking them, I think that way too. I wish I could end this with some uplifting philosophical comment, but I can't come up with one. -------------------------------

2004-04-25 23:26:15
"I can't take these potshots at my already tenuous self-esteem. Really. If this is modern dating, then count me out." I hear that. I've only recently stuck my toe back in the pond again after a long hiatus, prompted by becoming (re)involved with an ex. Ah, the allure of the Ex. Only...I've learned that the Ex is more of a pitfall than a plus, whether it's sex, dating or a relationship being re-established. Maybe that's part of the problem? Barring that...uh, men suck? -------------------------------

2004-04-25 23:39:11
Hey Jen, I'm comming out of lurking to say that I too am the fat friend. There is nothing like being passed by for your ugly, but skinny friend etc. at the bar to make one feel even fatter than we really are. Crap-ass self image is the pits. It breaks the heart, but it makes us what we are. Cynical, jaded bitches. Whoo-hoo! Bitches unite! And you know, we have great shoes too! -------------------------------

2004-04-26 02:11:59
If he is that shallow you are better off not being with him, even as a friend. A real, genuinely good person would not care what size your ass is. Modern dating my ass. People like "that" have always been around and always will, your job I fear is to find the people who are not like that because THOSE are the ones worth your time. Not losers like the one who stood you up. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 02:13:33
p.s. As much as it hurts it's good you found out just how shallow and stupid your Ex is now and not later. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 05:12:56
These people (the ones that chase the little Barbie dolls) really do show themselves up as being shallow assholes with behaviour like that. An ex-boy of mine was always trying to change me; my hair, my clothes, and one day he said I should really try contact lenses, and I said "Well my glasses help weed out the assholes." He asked what I meant and I said "Anyone who sees me as being less-than because of these glasses can go F themselves." That shut him up, for a moment. :) -------------------------------

2004-04-26 08:55:39
Not defending him but perhaps he interpreted your email differently than what you meant. Maybe he thought you were trying to back out of the date and that your Friday email was simply to be polite. Just a thought, it certainly doesn't excuse his behavior. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 08:59:14
I have written about my body image issues in my journal. For as long as I can remember I have felt "inherently defective" fatter, thinner, skinny, chunky..what have you. The general vibe I get from people is that I should feel fucking LUCKY that they have acknowleged me if I am in one of my heavier phases. I am lucky to have someone in my life who loves me matter what...but it took me a looong time for us to find each other, and he is also older and to him I am the shit. I also wanted to point out the other night you had 2 guys interested in you...as hard as it is, dont allow the self-loathing mind-tapes to drown out the little light shining thru with them :) -------------------------------

2004-04-26 09:04:11
Well, there ARE men out there that want some young thing and the latest hottie, but honestly, those particular men aren't worth having. I honestly wish I were smaller (and I'm working on it, too) but I honestly find that I get more dates and more booty since I decided to just be Tim, no matter what size that comes in. Actually, I'm sort of curious... when I lose weight (and I've lost about 20 lbs) and someone meets me, are they going to like me for me, or for my skinny self? If I gain the weight back, will he leave me? If I find someone who likes me this size, and I lose weight, will HE leave me? I hate men, sometimes, and I hate my own self-doubt. Ugh. (Wow... this sort of rambled about, didn't it?) -------------------------------

2004-04-26 09:47:07
Jen, just remember that all those perfect little blonde twits will age, too. And one day they'll be like us, hating the next young blonde perfect generation. xo -------------------------------

2004-04-26 10:00:02
There are too many sick freaks out there. I have never been out of the healthy BMI range. I lost weight after a car accident a few months ago, I was below healthy, my parents kept asking me if I had cancer and wasn't telling them. Next thing I know, men are calling me beautiful, pretty, wow you look great. My husband was never nicer. I promptly gained back 15 pounds because I was so horrified. The world is a sick place. My parents think I am dying and sick blankers think I am suddenly hot. I never want that to happen again. I would rather be ignored like I have been for the last 34 years. So the only advice I have for you is "don't let the bastards get you down." -------------------------------

2004-04-26 10:12:14
You know I had to chime in being a heavy weight in the weight world. I can totally empathize with you regarding your weight girl.
No matter what our weight is tied into our self image and how we feel about ourselves.
I have been on the very thin side 95 lbs and 5'4 and I have been way at the other end at 5'4 and 400 lbs. Now I am somewhere in the middle -- 240 lbs I think. I am still fat, ample, obese, rotund, whatever you deem it.
I find that people find me smarter, prettier, and more fun to be around when I am thin, but they say I am funnier when I am fat. Go figure.
You shouldn't have to make excuses about who you are, or what you look like. My age old saying sticks, "I might change my house in style, weight, and color, but I am still genuine on the inside." And we know you are genuine.
About "M" -- fuck him, as in I hope he fucks off. He doesn't deserve your time, your head space, or your kindness. Unless he's dead or layin in some hospital hurt or sick, the asshole stood you up, and that's totally unacceptable. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 11:01:41
Ugh! He wasn't worth your time. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 11:45:23
*hug* Don't know what else to say. I know exactly how you feel. Just add "walks with a cane" to that. But the good guys ARE out there ... I've found a few. Just hang in there. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 12:03:46
Hey now!! Just remind yourself of the other evening when you had 2 guys after you!!! That's all I have time for now - it's this fat girl's favorite time of day - LUNCH TIME!!! -------------------------------

2004-04-26 13:28:10
jen, no matter what you look like, you will never be one of those twitty nokia girls. hate to break it to you, but fuck, am i ever glad to be able to say it. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 22:18:42
I know he isn't worth it, but just out of a consuming burning curiousity I would have to follow up on this. WHY? Did he think you were trying to get out of it? Did he think you had become extremely obese and wanted to distance himself? I would send him a darling sweet email enquiring about his personal health and expressing sympathy for the massive catastrophe that he must have undergone on Sat. to prevent him from meeting you. I would just have to do it. -------------------------------

2004-04-26 23:10:23
sorry you got stood up. I don't think you're fat. I know you said that doesnt mean anything to you, but i think you look great still. I know, what do I know..... -------------------------------

2004-04-27 16:52:12
Hi Jen, You don't know me and so I apologize in advance for butting into your business (especially with a viewpoint you don't want to hear), but...It is bullshit that this is about your weight. I know some heavy women who are adored by the men in their lives and I know some thin women who are treated like shit by the men in their lives. You probably don't want to hear this, but I really believe that this is about how YOU feel about yourself. You don't have to verbalize it in order for people to sense it. You are an attractive young woman. I can tell from your writing that you have a brain, a sense of humor, and that you care about your son. So you put on some weight. So what. Your worth is NOT tied to your body weight. Give yourself a break. -------------------------------