For the J-Man.

We will get out of here, you and I, and we will go someplace where the streets are safe and the schools are outstanding and your fast, big brain has somewhere to grow and run free.

We will take flight from these ashes - I am trying so hard to be reborn but I am finding it so hard to get up - and you and I together will soar over mountains and rivers, and we will see everything that we have never seen, cities full of promise and laughing people and sunshine.

Then we will know what it is not to worry, and you will not see me falling to the ground and shaking, eyes rolling back in a scary display of bad luck, bad brains. I will find some way to beat this.

I have so much love for you that it breaks my heart wide open, pours through my body, and runs out my fingertips.

You can't tell me that we were meant to be below average or even ordinary because you shine so brightly that I am caught up in the light and dazzle right along with you. You have been golden since the day you were born and opened your huge, round eyes.

I am so proud of you. I am so very proud of you, and I want more than anything to take us out of here to a place where you will not know what it is to want or fear, somewhere where you will know deep in your heart that you will not lose me.

I see that fear so often in your eyes, a dark shadow every time I am ill, and it shatters something in me. Do not be afraid to lose me because I am not going anywhere. I will not leave you.

I don't want you to worry, my beautiful son, because we will not always be here, and you are going to have your castles and your princesses and your happily ever after.

4:56 p.m. - 2006-02-05
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