And So It Ends.

The thing about really, really bad relationship problems is that you don't really know you have them until you're really, really down in them.

And then you're in them.

And then you're done.

And you would think I would have learned the signs of some things, being that I grew up around some things and am very very familiar with some things, but I didn't.

I'm not going to give the speech that I'm never, ever getting involved again, because I honestly don't feel like that. I feel like I was ready to be in a relationship this time. It just happened that I got involved with the wrong person.

And once again I am not blameless because I dragged it out, I let it flounder, because when you allow yourself to get enmeshed and your family attached, it's easy to want to hang on.

I don't know.

I hate the mess of it all, I really do.

It's easy to say that what I should have done was never to have allowed myself to get so close so soon, to never have allowed my family to have gotten so attached because it was too early to begin with; but when you're largely homebound and don't drive, these things are going to happen.

Plus I'm starting to realize that men don't want to date anymore. They just want to come into your house and vegetate. At least it's been this way with the ones I've met recently. Dating? Dinner? Movies? Rarely. TV. Rentals. Lounging.

And, I guess, drinking.

Sometimes I think I need to meet someone much older, with older sensibilities and more old-fashioned ways, but then I realize people like that would have zero interest in me.

Heh.

Tonight I am having the neighbors across the street and their little boy who I would secretly love to kidnap over for pizza and movies and a nice, low-key New Year's, and I couldn't look forward to it more.

Happy New Year's. Let's hear it for a drama-free 2006.

10:59 a.m. - 2005-12-31
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