Charming Christmas Conversations.

"OK. KY Jelly Warming Lubricant. Why??? Who has a cold vagina??"
"Good point."
"I mean, to the best of my knowledge, my vagina has never been cold."
"I don't have a vagina, but I've never come across a cold one."
"And you've never had a cold penis, I assume."
"Don't think so."
"I don't get it."
"Maybe it's for toys. Or for the blow-up doll."
"Gross." *makes blow up doll gesture, with stiff arms and round mouth*
"That's hot. You know what's really sick? A rubber molded doll. A blow-up doll is bad enough, but to purchase a molded doll is just wrong."
"I can tell you feel very strongly about this by the way you emphasize "molded doll".
"Shut up. Maybe it's for the pocket pussy."
"Ha. 'Pocket pussy'. Is that like a travel vagina??"
"I think of it as a businessman's vagina. For business trips."
"A white-collar vagina. It would be a white-collar vagina, but a blue-collar pussy. Ha!"
*rolls eyes*
"Or white-collar vagina, but blue-collar snatch. Ha ha ha!"
*rolls eyes again* "You are so ridiculous."
"You loooooove meeeeee..."
"You're going to write about this on your website, aren't you."
"Probably. Anyway, what's your problem with the Real Doll? If you're going to have sex with a fake person, why not have it be a quality fake person? I mean, if you want to blow that kind of dough?"
"Where would you hide it when your girlfriend came over?"
"No one having sex with a Real Doll actually has a girlfriend. Let's be realistic, here. If you are having sex with rubber, you ain't gettin' any. But I suppose you could have a designated Sex Girl Closet, or maybe one of those giant Tupperware things."
"For your fake Jenna Jameson."
"With realistic accurately molded vagina!"
"Because you would know! Ha! I wonder how they do that?"
*stares*
"What?"
"You don't actually think they take a mold of Jenna Jameson's vagina."
*says nothing*
"Oh, COME ON."
"Well?!"
"GET OUT. This is why stupid men buy this stupid shit. Get out of here! How the hell would anyone except the ninety five thousand porn stars, actors, musicians, lighting technicians, janitors, pimps, and occasional homeless people she's screwed know what Jenna Jamesons's vagina felt like?"
"I don't know!"
"Excuse me, Ms. Jameson, just hold your legs up here, so we can make a plaster cast. Ha!!!"
"OK, OK. Maybe people are having sex with the Real Doll that have girlfriends, though. Maybe you're not giving the sad molded doll buyers enough credit. They could be like, Honey, let's have a threesome with Rubber Betty Boop!"
"Rubber Betty Boop, heh."
"She has a vibrating mouth!"
"On second thought, maybe you're right. How'd you like a blow job like that? 'Here comes the airplane! Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!' You wouldn't be calling her a 'molded doll' then, you'd be calling her 'Oh Baby'!"
"HAHAHAHA!"
"We are sick people."
"Yes, I think so.
"This probably doesn't need to go on the internet."
"Probably not."

11:31 a.m. - 2005-12-26
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